Bring back that “I-don’t-care-feeling”
I am working on a new skill….the skill of “I-don’t-give-a-crap.”
You see, I have a serious problem, I care WAY TOO MUCH what others think about me and what I am doing. For instance, people are all up in arms and irritated about a project that I am working on to raise money for the students of my school. It was approved through my principal, and our SBDM, I have dotted all my i and crossed all my t’s……..so, why then do I care if people like it or not?
Then I sat next to another teacher on the bus who peoclaimed that she is moving next year. As a result, she doesn’t care. I loved her attitude….I don’t care. I think that is the primary difference between last year and this, last year, I didn’t care. I really just focued on my own scene and left the rest to their own. This year, I suddenly am back to caring about what others thing about me and my business.
So, I am trying not to care.
My first Marathon!
vickie, me and Pam
Well, I did it.
Friday–Pam, Vickie and I all traveled to Tulsa. It was nice, but a cold drive. We had a great time talking in the car, but I was very nervous.
Saturday–Vickie and Pam worked out. I went to carb-load in the breakfast, while there I saw a great deal of “real” marathoners…which made me very scared. We then went to the tiny expo, which was fun. Finally, I had a great pasta dinner at cheesecake factory.
Sunday–I slept well, got ready, and set out for the start. There were so many people and I felt out of place. The race started, it was 27 degrees when I started, but it warmed up quick around mile two I ditched my gloves and was starting to get hot. My tights drove me nuts! They were rolling down and wouldn’t get in place. I was starting to doubt myself. Then, the turn around came for us to move out of downtown and onto the path that follows the river. I was feeling pretty good. I managed to name all the people around me and was watching them to keep pace. There was “skinny mini” a tiny woman that was trucking along at a regular pace. I would often pass her at water stops, because I brought my camel back and didn’t need to stop at this point. Inevitably, though, she would be back in a matter of moments at my side. Then there was “bad-ass babe” I named her this because she was dressed like it was 100 degrees outside, and she was perfect, looked like she lived in the gym. She was plowing on slowly at first, I was passing her. Then she sped up. Then, she went off into the woods I assume to use the restroom. I thought I would never see her again, then she whizzed past me at mile 13.
Speaking of mile 13…that is when it all started to head down hill. I found a huge blister on my big toe and stopped to bandage it. Then, I called my friends to see where they were. I slowed significantly. At mile 15 I was ok, but by mile 16 I fell apart. It started as feeling like I needed something solid in my stomach. My diagraph felt strange, like it was solid, stuck or something. I ate a granola bar from my pack. Then I started to shiver. My teeth chattered. Then I began to cry. I couldn’t stop it. I was hitting the wall. I barely walked, I even sat on the side of the road at one point. I was horrible.
Then, I started to run again. Mainly because I needed to. Just like that I felt better. Lesson #1–walking makes it worse. I finished strong. I didn’t really walk again.
4:57 minutes.
Runner’s High
So, for me, this week is a very big deal.
Last year I determined that I wanted to run a marathon. I trained, trained, and then trained some more. Then one week before the big day I was involved in a bicycle accident that rendered me unable to run. (torn meniscus, broken hand, cut up face.) So, this year, I have worked to regain my strength and prepare to run my first marathon.
I am 6 days from that moment. It is hard to describe what I am feeling. I suppose it is odd to put so much into one day, I mean in the long run maybe it is not that important. BUT, maybe in the long run, it is very important. After all, I want my daughters to know that this is my passion, and it is ok to be passionate about something. I want this to be an integral part of my life forever, so maybe it is important.
In any case, it has been a long build up to this moment.
In the runner’s world there is a phenomenon that is known as the runner’s high….it is a moment that is different for everyone. However, for me it comes on suddenly. Last night, in my last long run before the big day, I found it. The sun was setting, a special time for me. I was rushing to get home before dinner, before dark, before the weekend passed me by and it was back to the demands of the workweek. Metallica was playing in my headphones and I looked at my garmin to notice I was hovering around a 9:40 mile. Not bad…but with 2 miles still left and sunset fast approaching…I needed to pick it up. So, I pushed it a little harder. The traffic of Southwest Parkway flew past me, my headphones pounded in my ears, even with the cool weather a little rush of heat radiated around me. I felt like I was floating across the pavement, I could feel no pain, I could barely notice my feet hitting the ground, I listened to my breaths, steady…. I glanced and noticed I was running mile 7 at an 8 minute mile pace. Then mile 8…. True runner’s high I felt nothing…just running.
That is why I run. I am so ready for this weekend. I know that it will be hard. I anticipate struggles, I am aware that there will be moments I want to walk, there will be times when it feels like my muscles are being pulled apart one strand at a time. I will get tired, I will be frustrated, I imagine I will even cry. BUT, I will also do it. I will run 26.2 miles. I will make it….
I can’t wait.
